I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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