Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize