i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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