Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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