I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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