shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
