i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
