I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
