did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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