Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
