worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
