he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
