i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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