So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
