I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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