I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Sober January is a disaster.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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