Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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