Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
