Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
