i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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