Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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