If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
