If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I booty called her while she was in labor.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
