So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
