Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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