So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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