We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
that's an acceptable place to lick
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
