At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Randomize
