nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
