Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Randomize
