This is not my ceiling
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
