I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
