i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize