you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
