i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
sick fucks of a feather flock together
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
