cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Randomize
