Midget sex pt 2 tonight
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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