You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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