someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
