i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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