I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
