he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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