where am i from again
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
