there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
