My room smells like vodka and shame
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Randomize
