The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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