You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize