I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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