Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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