last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
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