After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
