if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
barbara walters just said penis...
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
that may or may not have been my penis.
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