u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
