people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
