You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
