in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
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