I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
