i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
It's like God shit irony all over that family
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
and eventually we just all took our pants off
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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