Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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