I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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