you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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