Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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