Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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