you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
