Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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