A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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