i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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