Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
