i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
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