Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
