a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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