Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i just google imaged poop.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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