I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
