my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
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