Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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