U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Randomize
