I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
