quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you traded sex for a burrito?
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
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