Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
we should paint friendship bongs
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