I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
