So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize
