i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
