Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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