I like my sex mixed with concussions.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
So much Jack, so little girl.
Who died my cat blue again?
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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