Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize