Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
We have started to decorate penises.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
