Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
