When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
