At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize