I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
Randomize
