Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
