He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Randomize
