Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
