have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
