Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
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