so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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