I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize