____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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