He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
