SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
