you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Randomize
