Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize