my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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