I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
