i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
