i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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