She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Randomize
