Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
