Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
