last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
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