I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
