remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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