I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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