we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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