I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
Randomize
