ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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