That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
