i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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